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The year 2013 was full of fascinating people, shocking events, and many, many dickish antics pulled off by, frankly, extremely dickish people. From obnoxious Hollywood couples who will not go away to an entire nation that still has anti-homosexual laws on the books, there were a plethora of dicks who made headlines this year. Because we live in a world where awful people (sadly) get the most face time, it's easy to pluck out a few losers. So, without further ado, here are some of the biggest jerk offs of 2013.
Since its breakout success in the latest sequel in the Die Hard franchise, Russia has become a bit cocky. As a region previously only known for being the seat of communism and the country with a president with a birthmark resembling a shit stain on his head, Russia is gaining even more notoriety for its stance on homosexuality and "gay propaganda."
In a nutshell, the country is refusing to take certain anti-gay laws off the books and its current president, Vladimir Putin, is maintaining a strong pro-homophobic stance. Look, Russia, we get it. You went from a country mostly known for hosting awkward millionaire virgins looking to purchase wives to the winter Olympics. Good for you; you've made great strides since Rocky IV, but, you still have a long way to go.
WALMART'S WALTON FAMILY
The Waltons aren't dicks because of their status as the richest family in the U.S, according to Forbes, and because they are the heirs to the retail pimp known as Walmart. The family, which is made up of over-privileged underachievers, collectively claims 0.14 percent of the country’s entire wealth. Or, to put it in simpler terms, they are worth as much as the bottom 41 percent of all Americans combined.
With a business model that depends on pushing down wages and sinking living standards for millions of Americans, can you think of anything more dickish than that? Well, how about making the bulk of your revenue from food sales, but paying your employees so little that their families relied on handouts and food donations for their Thanksgiving meals. Walmart may be cheap, but we'd rather do all of our shopping anywhere else than give those Walton dicks another dime.
WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
Apparently the Topeka, Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church, best known for their "God Hates Fags" campaign, has no couth, tact, or heart. They troll funerals of people in the media to promote their own disgusting twist on Christianity and what it means to be a religious group.
Well, we've come up with an awesome way to fight back against those hate mongers, NYD style: make posters of Westboro church leader Pastor Fred Phelps and other members nicely posed with drawings of some big ole dicks or colorful jelly dildos from Adam & Eve glued to their heads along with the phrase "God hates dickheads." Then, show up at the next church bake sale or food drive. If they give you any shit, remind them that you, like them, are simply spreading the word of God.
What happens when the biggest reality television/attention whore "dates" then gets knocked up by the world's number one darling douchebag? The horror show that is Kimye is spawned. For the past few years, we've been subjected to the dreadfulness of both Kim Kardashian and Kanye West -- a.k.a. the most terrible beings to walk the earth.
Seriously, the list of arrogant, ignorant, and downright stupid shit that has been spouted by these two chuckleheads is more than we can detail here. While many are scratching their heads wondering why they are still in the media, others (idiots, we assume) are continuing to make this talentless duo even more rich and famous by buying into their sham. Perhaps if we make a collective effort, these two huge dicks will go away.
We at NYD wish to thank all those who brought us such wonderful dickish-ness this year, you are in our thoughts even if you're not in this article. But fret ye not, keep up your prickness and keep on giving us dicky pain and joy, we're sure we'll see you all again in the new year.