1970s 2013 advertising Adweek AIDS Amazon ancient Andy Warhol animation anti-authoritarianism App Store arrested art prize artist Australia Banksy barber shop bathroom beard Benjamen Walker Bin Laden Black Book black Friday blizzard Bodleian book Book Club Live Brett Murray bridge cartoon Cemetery Junction chicks chorus girls Christmas Clark H. Penis coffee table book Conan O'Brien contest Contest winners copyright cornball royale Cutting Daffy Duck Daily Show Darger Darth Vader decay Defaced defacement diagram Dick Widget digital DiMaggio Downing Street Duchamp dumb educational England Evolution exotic Facebook Fairey federal court film first purchase Flavorwire flower penises Fox News Fun or Dumb Gaddafi gigantotomy Girls Giuliani Gothamist graffiti graffiti penis Grumbler guilty Halloween costume head switch Hitler holiday sales Hop international interview iPad Japan Jason Jones jihaad Johnson award Johnson awards jokes Jon Hamm penis Jon Stewart Justin Bieber penis Kanamara Kanye West Ke$ha Keith Haring Kim Kardashian Kimye Lena Dunham library macaroni Mamma Mia map Marketing Mars penis Mei Dick MetaFilter Minute to win it Mona Eltahawy Moustache Man movie movie stars mustache mustache man naming New world order New Year new york Nick Swardson nominees Nvrmnd NYC subway obey on sale Oxford Pamela Hall penis penis drawings penis festival philosophy political comment politics Pop Curious Porky the Pig portrait poster posters press proud penis Publishing Innovation Awards Putin ranking Ricky Gervais riots robots Russia sales Santa sci-fi Sean Bell seasons greetings sentenced signage SNL snow penis snow penises song South Africa space Spirit rover Splice Today Spring St. Petersburg Star Wars Steven Heller storm trooper stylist Sudden Wealth Syndrome Superbad Sweden Thanksgiving Tim Gunn Too Much INformation t-shirt turkey UK US Open Valentine's day Vice video visitors Walmart Walton Weiner Westboro Baptist Church WFMU Woolford xmas Zapiro Zara Zuckerberg Zuma
DICKISH & DUMB TOPICS
Tuesday
Apr082014

ART OF THE DICK

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Donelle Woolford knows a dick when she sees it, or hears it. In her painting series "Dick Jokes" she transforms classic dick jokes into a powerful group of comments and commentary on penises, power, and, well lot's of stuff.

Wallspace, who hosted the exhibit, states, "Donelle Woolford’s cathartic new paintings chronicle the dubious place of honor afforded the male sex organ in art and politics, and the vernacular tradition of penis humor in American popular culture. … Woolford’s joke paintings chronicle the picaresque adventures of a character named Richard—aka Dick." And yes there are dirty jokes.

Will Woolford consider incorporating dick doodles in her next explorations? We so dickishly hope so.

Sadly the exhibit of Woolford's work at Wallspace is now closed, but her book Dick Jokes is available. Shelve it next to your copy of New York Dick and add some awareness and class to your dickish book collection.

For other awesome and not too embarrassing dick books take a look at our past entry "Be Proud of Your Dick, or Dicks."

Sunday
Mar302014

LOOKING FOR SPRING, SEEING PENISES

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We at NYD are hot for spring. Buds budding, petals spreading, sweet sun kissing eager stamens, almost too painful to think about. 

If, like us, your desire for a new season to get it on with needs some cooling down check out a few classic snow penises. Our entry "Northeast Blanketed With Snow Penises" is a good start, and there is much more available at snowpenis.com, a very cool / dickish website.

But, if on the other hand, you need even more blooming erotica to get sprung for spring it's erotic-nature.com for you (source of the awesome flower power seen above). Beautiful and sometimes hotly realistic naughty bits, plus lot's of cactus penises, ouch!

Sunday
Mar232014

PENIS-CUM-BADASS

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Firstly, we at NYD want to make clear that the above is an absolutely correct use of "cum," it's just a fabulous coincidence that it works so well to describe this awesome work of penis art.

This fine anti-authoritarian art comment (followed by crushingly accurate pro-authoritarian co-opting) is brought to us by UK illustrator Warwick Johnson-Cadwell (such a classy name for a dick doodler!) See more of his awesome (mostly penis-less) work at his blog, artwork for sale too, although sadly "Stormtrooper Humour #2 - Darth Vader #1 Badass" isn't available.

NYD wishes to thank Mr. (Sir?) Johnson-Cadwell for this hilarious short story of stickin' it to the man, and the cautionary thought that the man might just be willing to stick it back at you.

Friday
Dec272013

A SALUTE TO THE BIGGEST DICKS OF 2013

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The year 2013 was full of fascinating people, shocking events, and many, many dickish antics pulled off by, frankly, extremely dickish people. From obnoxious Hollywood couples who will not go away to an entire nation that still has anti-homosexual laws on the books, there were a plethora of dicks who made headlines this year. Because we live in a world where awful people (sadly) get the most face time, it's easy to pluck out a few losers. So, without further ado, here are some of the biggest jerk offs of 2013. 

RUSSIA
Since its breakout success in the latest sequel in the Die Hard franchise, Russia has become a bit cocky. As a region previously only known for being the seat of communism and the country with a president with a birthmark resembling a shit stain on his head, Russia is gaining even more notoriety for its stance on homosexuality and "gay propaganda." 

In a nutshell, the country is refusing to take certain anti-gay laws off the books and its current president, Vladimir Putin, is maintaining a strong pro-homophobic stance. Look, Russia, we get it. You went from a country mostly known for hosting awkward millionaire virgins looking to purchase wives to the winter Olympics. Good for you; you've made great strides since Rocky IV, but,  you still have a long way to go.  

WALMART'S WALTON FAMILY
The Waltons aren't dicks because of their status as the richest family in the U.S, according to Forbes, and because they are the heirs to the retail pimp known as Walmart. The family, which is made up of over-privileged underachievers, collectively claims 0.14 percent of the country’s entire wealth. Or, to put it in simpler terms, they are worth as much as the bottom 41 percent of all Americans combined. 

With a business model that depends on pushing down wages and sinking living standards for millions of Americans, can you think of anything more dickish than that? Well, how about making the bulk of your revenue from food sales, but paying your employees so little that their families relied on handouts and food donations for their Thanksgiving meals. Walmart may be cheap, but we'd rather do all of our shopping anywhere else than give those Walton dicks another dime.

WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH
Apparently the Topeka, Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church, best known for their "God Hates Fags" campaign, has no couth, tact, or heart. They troll funerals of people in the media to promote their own disgusting twist on Christianity and what it means to be a religious group.

Well, we've come up with an awesome way to fight back against those hate mongers, NYD style: make posters of Westboro church leader Pastor Fred Phelps and other members nicely posed with drawings of some big ole dicks or colorful jelly dildos from Adam & Eve glued to their heads along with the phrase "God hates dickheads." Then, show up at the next church bake sale or food drive. If they give you any shit, remind them that you, like them, are simply spreading the word of God.  

KIMYE
What happens when the biggest reality television/attention whore "dates" then gets knocked up by the world's number one darling douchebag? The horror show that is Kimye is spawned. For the past few years, we've been subjected to the dreadfulness of both Kim Kardashian and Kanye West -- a.k.a. the most terrible beings to walk the earth. 

Seriously, the list of arrogant, ignorant, and downright stupid shit that has been spouted by these two chuckleheads is more than we can detail here. While many are scratching their heads wondering why they are still in the media, others (idiots, we assume) are continuing to make this talentless duo even more rich and famous by buying into their sham. Perhaps if we make a collective effort, these two huge dicks will go away.

We at NYD wish to thank all those who brought us such wonderful dickish-ness this year, you are in our thoughts even if you're not in this article. But fret ye not, keep up your prickness and keep on giving us dicky pain and joy, we're sure we'll see you all again in the new year.

 

 

 

Wednesday
May012013

THE MARTIAN PENIS CHRONICLES

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Last week it came to the attention of the world that NASA has been using its Mars rover to carve penis drawings into the landscape of the red planet thus making this area near the Bonneville impact crater the first off-world penis drawing. Or it's just random tire tracks, you decide America - Pornographic boondoggle or go frickin' NASA go!

Apparently it's taken years for Mars/penis aficionados to finally decipher the data from thousands of images and identify the martian dingus. As reported by Andy Cush at Animal New York, NASA states that, "the image has been online since 2005, and is part of a much larger panorama of photos from the Red Planet dating back to 2004. It was taken by the rover Spirit…"

Questions to ponder. 
- Will carefully (and stupidly) looking at enough images with enough dumbness always find a penis in there somewhere?
- Does mankind always (either consciously or not) draw penises everywhere we go? And do we specifically mean man kind?
- Is this dickish message to our other worldly friends more of an "f-you," or more of a "come 'n get it?"

For more info on this penis drawing that's so far from Earth but so close to our hearts take a look at Huffington Post Science (yes science!) or the ever awesome Animal New York. To see more of "accidental" penises viewed from space check out our Arousing Weather entry.