This weekend the northeast was blessed with the first big snow penis storm of the year. Up to 36 inches of white wet stuff aroused the creative juices of countless schlong-o-philes, both sculptors and graphic artists braved the weather to make their statements - big, dumb, sort of nasty statements.
Unlike their fleshy inspiration, these snow dongs just get bigger when they are cold and wet. These perennial favorites spring up year after year around the globe - from somewhere in the land of "college humor" (top image) to tres bon Paris (second image,) to New York City (third image,) and even the south pole (fourth image.) And if you want to see more of snow penises than you ever imagined possible just stroke on over to snowpenis.com (really, we're not making this up.) They've got the largest collection of abominable penis snowmen photos in the world and are a terrific source of free snow-porn.
Sales figures for the holiday season have finally been tabulated and certified - and we say domo arigato Japan (that's "thank you very much Japan," at least that's what we think we're saying based on all the Japanese we learned from 80s pop songs). Sales of New York Dumb in Japan destroyed US sales in a spectacular surprise attack in December, we are only now understanding the full ramifications of these figures.
Thanks again to our friends of the weird in Japan. And for a fascinating look at how much Japanese culture appreciates the weird take a look at the yearly Kanamara festival, sacred yes, but also so amazingly strange.
Once again our ideation and product development unit hidden deep within the The Daily Show conglomerate have put some tantalizing ideas before the public for test marketing, tantalizing dick based ideas. So let's run it up the meat pole and see who salutes it.
Jason Jones's supposedly absurd example of the dumbest money making app-crap possible is secretly amazing. In his segment investigating "Sudden Wealth Syndrome" he proposes a mega-money making app that automatically draws penises on photos, behold Dick Widget. Amazing! If I could code I'd be guzzling Red Bull, screaming about the glitchy kludges that are ruining code ninja elite tools (or something like that) and making this app happen right now.
Mockery laced with insight, we still love The Daily Show. See the 9/26/12 episode at The Daily Show site.
Yesterday, prominent Egyptian-American journalist and activist, Mona Eltahawy, made a brave attempt to deface (or make a legitimate public comment upon) a controversial "anti-jihad" ad the Times Square subway station, got humorously harassed, then not so humorously arrested by some cops and at least one dog.
Considering how intense the situation is (meaning protest speech, Arab-Israeli conflict etc, not that guy that used to hang at the Jersey Shore) it's a lot funnier than it seems like it would be. Thank god the New York Post was on hand to film the whole weird party scene (don't worry, the clip is below.)
Great quotes from the non-violent (and somewhat non-sensical) defacement video include …
… Mona, do you have a right to do this? - I do actually, I think this is freedom of expression … … Tell me Mona, why do you have a right to violate free speech? - I'm not violating it, I'm making a statement on it … … Do you want paint on yourself, do you really?… … You are violating free speech Mona … … Get off me or I'm going to get the police - go get the police, no one's stopping you - fuck you … … Stop it Mona - I'm not going to stop it … … Mona-Elta-Hawy, Mona-Elta-Hawy - Get my name right, my god you sound like a film, parody … … You're under arrest - For what? What are you arresting me for? ... … I'm expressing myself freely and I hurt no one, non-violent protest … … You could get some spray paint in someone's eye … … How old are you? - I'm 45 and I'm Egyptian-American and I refuse hate (off-camera; that's why) what do you mean that's why? …
Ahh, such amazing gifts! We love how "Pamela" keeps calling "Mona" by her first name like this is some sort of cat fight in a weird protest-speech cult.
Oddly, the arresting officers will not even say out loud why she is being arrested, did anyone know NYC cops were such dicks? Finally they lamely claim that spray paint might get in someones eye? Do these guys not even know that vandalizing posters is illegal, my god officers, have you not seen our awesome book New York Dick, really.
And who is this woman "Pamela" who's blocking-photographing-antagonizing Mona? Apparently she is Pamela Hall, one of the amazing nut-jobs that helped bring to New York the bogus horror of the "Ground Zero Mosque," and she is associated with The American Freedom Defense Initiative who paid to post the offending ads. And, she apparently is also just hanging around the Times Square edition of the poster looking for a photo-op/confrontation.
NYD sends a big thanks to all the key players for helping to keep defacement alive and keeping New York the dicky-est city in America (but not the dicky-est state, that of course is Arizona.)
Dumb Dicks (1931) is a terrible movie with a fantastic title, in fact the title is so insightful and applicable that it could probably be used for around half of all movies. Currently, in addition to the 1931 Benny Rubin/Harry Gribbon masterwork, there appears to be only two other Dumb Dicks available; Dumb Dicks (2011, you tube only?) and; Dumb Dicks (1985, aka Detective School Dropouts - boring retitling!), but shouldn't there be even more?
Truthfully, for serious fans of film Dumb Dicks isn't really all bad. It's an instructive example of low budget short film making from the early days, it showcases two notable practitioners of very broad ethnic humor, it's rough and weird and fearlessly lo-fi. But if you aren't up for a film anthropology experience just roll your eyes, cringe and scream insults at it, that can be fun too!
blizzard, 
