Last week it came to the attention of the world that NASA has been using its Mars rover to carve penis drawings into the landscape of the red planet thus making this area near the Bonneville impact crater the first off-world penis drawing. Or it's just random tire tracks, you decide America - Pornographic boondoggle or go frickin' NASA go!
Apparently it's taken years for Mars/penis aficionados to finally decipher the data from thousands of images and identify the martian dingus. As reported by Andy Cush at Animal New York, NASA states that, "the image has been online since 2005, and is part of a much larger panorama of photos from the Red Planet dating back to 2004. It was taken by the rover Spirit…"
Questions to ponder. - Will carefully (and stupidly) looking at enough images with enough dumbness always find a penis in there somewhere? - Does mankind always (either consciously or not) draw penises everywhere we go? And do we specifically mean man kind? - Is this dickish message to our other worldly friends more of an "f-you," or more of a "come 'n get it?"
For more info on this penis drawing that's so far from Earth but so close to our hearts take a look at Huffington Post Science (yes science!) or the ever awesome Animal New York. To see more of "accidental" penises viewed from space check out our Arousing Weather entry.
]]>HAMM AND BIEBER PENISES - THE LONG AND SHORT OF IThttp://www.newyorkdick.org/insights-dickish-dumb-news/2013/4/25/hamm-and-bieber-penises-the-long-and-short-of-it.html[Your Name Here]2013-04-25T16:56:58Z2013-04-25T16:56:58Z– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
Here at NYD we know how much ding-dongs are on everyones mind most of the time (especially where TV stars and pop idols are involved) but we are more turned-on than usual by the ever increasing exposure of penises in mainstream culture. Could this dick-familarity breed dick-contempt and take all the juice out of hilariously offensive penis defacements?
The latest characters in this envelope pushing of prick-talk are;
- Jon Hamm, above left, aka "Dong Draper" (wish we had thought of that one!), plays a super dick character in Mad Men and bitches about all the attention to his britches in real life. Poor little rich / salami boy.
- Justin Bieber, above right, member moniker - "Bienis" (wish we had thought of that one too!), a heart throb to millions of teen and tweenagers, cute / sexy but unthreatening. Especially unthreatening in the schlong department says explicit ex-girlfriend, she practically drew a wee-dingus on a photo herself just to get the detail across.
Are we concerned that constant peen chatter will rob penis defacements of their power? No. The unofficial slogan at NYD says it all - "A rising penis tide lifts all penis boats" - so keep hitting those posters NYC. Let the star-branders arouse our interest with penis talk, and when it's your turn to say something back, say it with a drawing of a stupid, hairy, slimey wang stuck right where it needs to be, in the soft-spots of media hype.
See more of Hamm's sausage and and lap up all the juicy bits (as if you haven't already!) at Slate and Gawker. For the small but sickening detail on Bieber's pasta penis (yes, specifics will be provided to explain this reference) click over to The Daily Current, and for a photographic analysis of the noodle in question take a look at Noisey/Vice.
America 1946 — fatigued by depression and war the public looks for light amusements at the box-office and is instead greeted by anarchic disrespect for the law, ironic mockery of advertising and occasional surrealism. At least that's what we at NYD see when viewing the graffiti defacement classic, Warner Brothers' 1946 cartoon Daffy Doodles.
The film opens with an overview of an un-named New York-like metropolis, our narrator intones -
In a large, eastern city, a demon is on the loose. The people are terrified, the police baffled. With diabolical cleverness, the monster strikes without warning... and draws mustaches on all the ads. No one knows who this fiend is. It could be you. It could be me.
This is one of the first times that mustache defacement of advertising was documented in a pop culture medium, but the desire to not just deface with mustaches, but to deface overblown and oppressive ads with them, must of been common much earlier. Even in 1946 it was seen as so obvious and common that you could make a Daffy Duck cartoon about it.
The targets of the mustaching are all very familiar - Hollywood stars, full-of-itself high art, cute babies, cute babes, animal brand mascots, and more cute babes. The irreverent motives seem are also very familiar, destructive enough to get the police after you but understandable enough that we're all more-or-less in favor of it, including the jury of identically mustshieoed Jerry Colonna clones (a famous massively mustached Hollywood goof-ball sidekick to Bob Hope in the forties.)
Daffy Doodles is a great cartoon, just as relevant today as it was almost seventy years ago, get more details at IMDb. And if you're a fan of hand drawn defacements and aren't afraid of seeing some naughty bits, take a look at the best penis defacement tv commercial ever, just as funny and a lot dirtier.
We at NYD are proud to announce that New York Dumb has received the highly coveted "Quality - Excellence - Design" accreditation from the Publishing Innovation Awards committee. At least we think it is highly coveted.
As the official email informs us our digital publication for iPad (available at iTunes!) received the Publishing Innovation Awards seal of approval, having gone through "a thirteen point checklist to ensure a high quality user experience." Well, ok then!
We are enormously proud of New York Dumb and assure you that it is absolutely fascinating and reasonably priced (only $2.99!) So why the positive yet tepid praise from the Publishing Innovation Awards? Is dumbness not at the cutting edge of publishing innovation? Or is there a bit too much of it there? Either way we're doing our part to keep poster defacement dumbness at everyone's digital finger tips.
Thoughts of Valentine's Day often lead to thoughts of girls, and lately girl thoughts have lead to thinking about Lena Dunham's HBO show, Girls. Last year Lena took some time to talk with Conan O'Brien about poster defacement, Girls, and, whores. Poster defacements are rarely very sweet, but sometimes they're not only rude but inaccurate as Ms. Dunham explains -
Conan - This is a picture a friend of yours took … oh yeah, whore number three, that's nice. Lena - I was actually kind of offended because, why am I whore number three? … I'm always putting myself on the line and I'm whore number three, why could I of not been whore number one or even two? Conan - That's your big complaint - if you work hard, someday, you'll be whore number one. Lena - I'm trying.
Take a look at the whole clip at Conan's site courtesy of team Coco. In addition to a message of hope for the whore in all of us it's got some good basic info on unique poster defacement opportunities in good natured easy-going New York City.
So even if this Valentine's Day is not filling you with sweet thoughts, and even if you feel you are being passed over in competitions for attention, keep at it friends, Conan is right, it is possible for all of us to someday be whore number one.
This weekend the northeast was blessed with the first big snow penis storm of the year. Up to 36 inches of white wet stuff aroused the creative juices of countless schlong-o-philes, both sculptors and graphic artists braved the weather to make their statements - big, dumb, sort of nasty statements.
Unlike their fleshy inspiration, these snow dongs just get bigger when they are cold and wet. These perennial favorites spring up year after year around the globe - from somewhere in the land of "college humor" (top image) to tres bon Paris (second image,) to New York City (third image,) and even the south pole (fourth image.) And if you want to see more of snow penises than you ever imagined possible just stroke on over to snowpenis.com (really, we're not making this up.) They've got the largest collection of abominable penis snowmen photos in the world and are a terrific source of free snow-porn.
Sales figures for the holiday season have finally been tabulated and certified - and we say domo arigato Japan (that's "thank you very much Japan," at least that's what we think we're saying based on all the Japanese we learned from 80s pop songs). Sales of New York Dumb in Japan destroyed US sales in a spectacular surprise attack in December, we are only now understanding the full ramifications of these figures.
Thanks again to our friends of the weird in Japan. And for a fascinating look at how much Japanese culture appreciates the weird take a look at the yearly Kanamara festival, sacred yes, but also so amazingly strange.
Once again our ideation and product development unit hidden deep within the The Daily Show conglomerate have put some tantalizing ideas before the public for test marketing, tantalizing dick based ideas. So let's run it up the meat pole and see who salutes it.
Jason Jones's supposedly absurd example of the dumbest money making app-crap possible is secretly amazing. In his segment investigating "Sudden Wealth Syndrome" he proposes a mega-money making app that automatically draws penises on photos, behold Dick Widget. Amazing! If I could code I'd be guzzling Red Bull, screaming about the glitchy kludges that are ruining code ninja elite tools (or something like that) and making this app happen right now.
Mockery laced with insight, we still love The Daily Show. See the 9/26/12 episode at The Daily Show site.
Yesterday, prominent Egyptian-American journalist and activist, Mona Eltahawy, made a brave attempt to deface (or make a legitimate public comment upon) a controversial "anti-jihad" ad the Times Square subway station, got humorously harassed, then not so humorously arrested by some cops and at least one dog.
Considering how intense the situation is (meaning protest speech, Arab-Israeli conflict etc, not that guy that used to hang at the Jersey Shore) it's a lot funnier than it seems like it would be. Thank god the New York Post was on hand to film the whole weird party scene (don't worry, the clip is below.)
Great quotes from the non-violent (and somewhat non-sensical) defacement video include …
… Mona, do you have a right to do this? - I do actually, I think this is freedom of expression … … Tell me Mona, why do you have a right to violate free speech? - I'm not violating it, I'm making a statement on it … … Do you want paint on yourself, do you really?… … You are violating free speech Mona … … Get off me or I'm going to get the police - go get the police, no one's stopping you - fuck you … … Stop it Mona - I'm not going to stop it … … Mona-Elta-Hawy, Mona-Elta-Hawy - Get my name right, my god you sound like a film, parody … … You're under arrest - For what? What are you arresting me for? ... … I'm expressing myself freely and I hurt no one, non-violent protest … … You could get some spray paint in someone's eye … … How old are you? - I'm 45 and I'm Egyptian-American and I refuse hate (off-camera; that's why) what do you mean that's why? …
Ahh, such amazing gifts! We love how "Pamela" keeps calling "Mona" by her first name like this is some sort of cat fight in a weird protest-speech cult.
Oddly, the arresting officers will not even say out loud why she is being arrested, did anyone know NYC cops were such dicks? Finally they lamely claim that spray paint might get in someones eye? Do these guys not even know that vandalizing posters is illegal, my god officers, have you not seen our awesome book New York Dick, really.
And who is this woman "Pamela" who's blocking-photographing-antagonizing Mona? Apparently she is Pamela Hall, one of the amazing nut-jobs that helped bring to New York the bogus horror of the "Ground Zero Mosque," and she is associated with The American Freedom Defense Initiative who paid to post the offending ads. And, she apparently is also just hanging around the Times Square edition of the poster looking for a photo-op/confrontation.
NYD sends a big thanks to all the key players for helping to keep defacement alive and keeping New York the dicky-est city in America (but not the dicky-est state, that of course is Arizona.)
Dumb Dicks (1931) is a terrible movie with a fantastic title, in fact the title is so insightful and applicable that it could probably be used for around half of all movies. Currently, in addition to the 1931 Benny Rubin/Harry Gribbon masterwork, there appears to be only two other Dumb Dicks available; Dumb Dicks (2011, you tube only?) and; Dumb Dicks (1985, aka Detective School Dropouts - boring retitling!), but shouldn't there be even more?
Truthfully, for serious fans of film Dumb Dicks isn't really all bad. It's an instructive example of low budget short film making from the early days, it showcases two notable practitioners of very broad ethnic humor, it's rough and weird and fearlessly lo-fi. But if you aren't up for a film anthropology experience just roll your eyes, cringe and scream insults at it, that can be fun too!
Apparently it's taken years for Mars/penis aficionados to finally decipher the data from thousands of images and identify the martian dingus. As reported by Andy Cush at Animal New York, NASA states that, "the image has been online since 2005, and is part of a much larger panorama of photos from the Red Planet dating back to 2004. It was taken by the rover Spirit…"
