GREAT KNOBS OF BRITAIN - THE CERNE ABBAS GIANT

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Why do so many of NYD's conversations about boner drawings inevitably end up becoming conversations about England? Simple, it's because of their intense, eons long love of creating nasty knob graphics (eons in this case refers to the well known time measurement unit, not the obscure Anglo-Saxon penis measurement unit - it's that ingrained over there.)

But how old is this predilection for phallus graphics, and how big of a phallus are we talking about, basically, how big is it and how long does it last? About 40 feet and at least 300 years. Ouch!

The hillside chalk cut drawing known as the Cerne Abbas Giant (also called the Rude Man, awesome!) is perhaps the greatest example of early English dickness, but how early is it? There are many theories about the purpose and age of the figure, it appears to be in a prehistoric or Celtic style, but oddly the pose is more classically Hercules-like. Stranger still there is no mention of the very noticeable mega-graphic (let us remind you, it does have a 40 foot hard-on) before 1694.

Although debate continues the 1694 creation date presents some delightfully dickish possibilities. The website Sacred Destinations points out that many believe that "the Cerne Abbas Giant is actually a 17th-century parody of Oliver Cromwell. In 1774, Rev. John Hutchins claimed the Giant was created by Lord Denzil Holles to satirize the puritanical rule of Oliver Cromwell. Cromwell was mockingly referred to as 'England's Hercules' by his enemies."

"Fuck you roundhead asshole prudes, and your new model jerk-off Hercules too, bitches." Or at least that seems to be what dirty 'ol Denzil (in the guise of pre-christian barbaric Britons) is getting at. Nice work Lord Holles, your well endowed protest speech is by far our favorite explanation of this pivotal piece of early English penis defacement/art.

Top photo by Sacred Destinations, inset photo by Simon Garbutt.

NYD NUMBER 10 AT AMAZON UK - RIOTING BEGINS

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Last week a rare alignment of dickish actions with the purchasing of dickish books occurred in knobby olde England, squirting New York Dick up to number 10 at Amazon UK. 

Facts first; 1) a questionable police shooting of a London youth was followed by a wild outbreak of riots that shocked the nation, 2) there was a striking uptick in sales of our favorite book in the whole wide world, New York DIck, 3) the ranking was number 10 in the "Graffitti" sub category of the "Art, Architecture & Photography" category, not exactly a bestseller but still we were extremely excited.

Although correlation is not causation we still find it to be a bizarre coincidence. What went on? Was it; "Rioting youths! All is lost! I'm ordering that cheeky book of knob graffiti I've heard so much about!", or was it more like "#burn baby burn - gots da molotovs, ordering dick graff book, check ya soon as order gets thru, bollocks connection, oi!".

Or something like that.

One of our favorite hobbies here at NYD is checking the wild fluctuations in our Amazon rank, especially the Amazon UK ranking. It's well known how much the Brits love naughty knob drawings but there never seems to be any reason for the massive rises and falls the purchasing of naughty knob drawing books. In future we'll pay more attention to trends in societal dissatisfaction and not just count the number of times Jon Stewart says "dick" on the air.

As always, thanks UK, and thanks UK graffiti loving citizens for fitting some book purchasing into their busy schedule of tea sipping, cricket watching, and neighborhood burning.