1970s 2013 advertising Adweek AIDS Amazon ancient Andy Warhol animation anti-authoritarianism App Store arrested art prize artist Ascii penis Australia Banksy barber shop bathroom beard Benjamen Walker Bin Laden Black Book black Friday blizzard Bodleian book Book Club Live brands Brett Murray bridge cartoon Cemetery Junction chicks chorus girls Christmas Clark H. Penis coffee table book comments Conan O'Brien contest Contest winners copyright cornball royale Cutting Daffy Duck Daily Show Dali Darger Darth Vader decay Defaced defacement diagram Dick Widget digital DiMaggio Downing Street Duchamp dumb educational England enhancement Evolution exotic Facebook Fairey federal court film first purchase Flavorwire flower penises Fox News Fun or Dumb Gaddafi gigantotomy Girls Giuliani Gothamist graffiti graffiti penis Grumbler guilty Halloween costume head switch Hitler holiday sales Hop international interview iPad Japan Jason Jones jihaad Johnson award Johnson awards jokes Jon Hamm penis Jon Stewart Justin Bieber penis Kanamara Kanye West Ke$ha Keith Haring Kim Kardashian Kimye Lena Dunham library luxury macaroni Mamma Mia map maps Marketing Mars penis Mei Dick MetaFilter Minute to win it Mona Eltahawy Moustache Man movie movie stars mustache mustache man naming New world order New Year new york Nick Swardson nominees Nvrmnd NYC subway obey on sale Oxford Pamela Hall penis penis drawings penis emoticon penis festival penis graphic philosophy Picasso political comment politics Pop Curious Porky the Pig portrait poster posters press proud penis Publishing Innovation Awards Putin ranking Ricky Gervais riots robots Russia sales Santa sci-fi Sean Bell seasons greetings sentenced signage SNL snow penis song South Africa space Spirit rover Splice Today Spring St. Petersburg Star Wars Steven Heller storm trooper stylist Sudden Wealth Syndrome Superbad Sweden Thanksgiving Tim Gunn Too Much INformation t-shirt turkey UK US Open Valentine's day Vice video visitors Walmart Walton Weiner Westboro Baptist Church WFMU Woolford xmas Zapiro Zara Zuckerberg Zuma
DICKISH & DUMB TOPICS

GREAT KNOBS OF BRITIAN - THE CERNE ABBAS GIANT
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –


Why do so many of NYD's conversations about boner drawings inevitably end up becoming conversations about England? Simple, it's because of their intense, eons long love of creating nasty knob graphics (eons in this case refers to the well known time measurement unit, not the obscure Anglo-Saxon penis measurement unit - it's that ingrained over there.)

But how old is this predilection for phallus graphics, and how big of a phallus are we talking about, basically, how big is it and how long does it last? About 40 feet and at least 300 years. Ouch!

The hillside chalk cut drawing known as the Cerne Abbas Giant (also called the Rude Man, awesome!) is perhaps the greatest example of early English dickness, but how early is it? There are many theories about the purpose and age of the figure, it appears to be in a prehistoric or Celtic style, but oddly the pose is more classically Hercules-like. Stranger still there is no mention of the very noticeable mega-graphic (let us remind you, it does have a 40 foot hard-on) before 1694.

Although debate continues the 1694 creation date presents some delightfully dickish possibilities. The website Sacred Destinations points out that many believe that "the Cerne Abbas Giant is actually a 17th-century parody of Oliver Cromwell. In 1774, Rev. John Hutchins claimed the Giant was created by Lord Denzil Holles to satirize the puritanical rule of Oliver Cromwell. Cromwell was mockingly referred to as 'England's Hercules' by his enemies."

"Fuck you roundhead asshole prudes, and your new model jerk-off Hercules too, bitches." Or at least that seems to be what dirty 'ol Denzil (in the guise of pre-christian barbaric Britons) is getting at. Nice work Lord Holles, your well endowed protest speech is by far our favorite explanation of this pivotal piece of early English penis defacement/art.

Top photo by Sacred Destinations, inset photo by Simon Garbutt.